NHL 09, excitement from Dave!

Our friend Dave likes 3 things in this world. He like boobs, sandwiches, and hockey. Sports games aren't just for jocks.

NHL 09 Review

If you were a fan of last year’s game, then there is no doubt that this years game will blow your balls off. NHL 09 is bigger and it’s hard to think that after NHL 08 EA could step it up for 2009, but wait for it….they did. Wow. Excited? Yes. Maybe? Yes. Read on.

First off the home screen is a great addition to the blue abyss that whored it self all over 08’, not to say it bothered me but the flawless animations that transition you from screen to screen in 09’ accompanied by photos and graphics are well received on my end. The menu system is unchanged since last year so navigation is very easy.

The features that they introduced this year surpassed anything I could have wanted or anything I would have thought of. “Be A Pro” mode, which allows you to create yourself (or play as a established NHL star if you’re a pussy), or someone who looks slightly like you, pick your gear and your subsidiary AHL team to play on. They drop you in as a 3rd line player and your goal is to ascend the ranks and ultimately join your NHL brethren and repeat until you are considered a hockey legend.

The be a pro mode is challenging only allowing you to control you, therefore if you are out of position and a goal is scored against you, you’re gonna hear about it from the coach. After each shift/game, you are graded and essentially given experience points to use to level up anything from aggressiveness to awareness. But don’t get to sure of yourself, for what ever position you choose to play be it a wing, center, defender or even the goalie, you are given expectations to meet in order to succeed. So with intense AI learning, and getting comfortable skating by yourself, gaining experience points can be slow. The bars are raised by increments so small that at first I didn’t know I actually increased anything.

With the be a pro mode, prepare for the long haul of becoming a legend, its going to take a while. Look for this feature to spring up in all of next year’s EA sport games such as Madden and NBA Live. Other features include a revamped media HUB that allows you to customize your team’s goal music as well as the game music. So if you really want to create an authentic game, load up your team’s goal music into the USB port, upload and assign to the team. Now each time you score you can play whatever you want! Nothing says goal like “I Cum Blood” by Cannibal Corpse, great goal guys!!

Another great addition that's been added is allowing you to create highlight reels of your favorite goals and plays to be saved for later viewing. Thus allowing every douche bag with a YouTube account to upload their “amazing goal of the year” to be played in Super. Slow. Mode.

The last upgrade I want to talk about is the revamped checking engine. In NHL 08’ nothing was more frustrating then squaring off they opponent for a huge hit only to bounce off them as they skate by worry free. So for 09’ the hitting engine is more realistic and REALLY responsive. Players react different according to how and where you hit them on their bodies. There is spinning, flipping, diving and sometimes it almost looks like you have killed them as their bodies go limp and crumble to the ice. Its one of the most rewarding aspects to 09’ that I believe really makes the games that much more fun.

My hats off to you EA, So in conclusion NHL 09’ kicks ass.
Grade: A Verdict: Buy it/ Trade in 08’

This movie might actually be good.

Max Payne, despite sounding like N.W.O. era bad guy, Max Payne will bring plenty of noir to this Samhaim season. I really like the Danzigesque black winged angels.

Here the company has decided to rather than just release another trailer we would get a little back story on things to be expected in the movie.

Nevermind God of War 3.

My reason to get PS3 is here now.

More bad than bad ass. Mercenaries 2!

A 3rd rate 3rd person action blowemup game released on the PS3, Xbox 360, and the PS2. Here is our friend Dave with a review on Mercenaries 2.

I played the Mercs 2 and was pretty disappointed. Don’t get me wrong the game is fun, but it didn’t suck me in at all. The details were sub-par, the animations were decent, and the graphics in my opinion were un-acceptable, especially on this generation of console. Enemy AI is so far the worst I have seen; in a shoot out I was able to run right up to a group of bad dudes, run around them, take what ammo and guns I needed, then blow them all up with an RPG before they fired a shot. The game lacks a polish, that I feel if I am paying 60$ for, I deserve, so gripe on. The cars look toy-ish, the “pedestrians” are walking zombies with no interaction nor reaction to anything going on around them, the maps are uninspired, and the one thing that kills me is the trees that make me feel like I am in Donkey Kong Country. The controls are sub par at best, aiming is decent once you get the hang of it, and animations are repetitive and “cool”. When you hi-jack a tank the “driver”, the fight he puts up is laughable. And we see that animation, every. Single. Time.

But I digress, the explosion animations are beautiful and the destructible environment is a huge plus. Nothing beats laying waste to baddies to where before the fight a lush forest or wall enclosed base surrounded you at the beginning and once over nothing but rubble and tree stumps lay at your feet. Bad. Ass. The developers wanted a player to be able to use their imaginations and do what ever they want. Want to fly a helicopter, while your buddy is dangling from your winch in a tank firing rounds into a enemy base, hell yea you do! It’s those ideas that I latched onto when the game was getting previewed. But the gamer I am, I have a hard time looking past all the gripes I have to enjoy a game of this nature. I have standards, and for a game like this I had premonitions that needed to be met. GTA4 and Assassins Creed, those are the games in which this game will be measured by. The textures, animations, involvement, layout, graphics, and my biggest peeve…attention to detail. Which is my biggest nit pick. Attention to detail for me in games supersedes a lot of what is listed above. I feel it can make or break a game, little things really do make a difference, and when they go missing and you know there are not there, man does it stand out. Take running over a street light in GTA4, it breaks and sparks spray out. I love it! Or in AC someone sees a fight or dead body, screams ring out and everyone runs for cover. It makes for a more realistic experience. Mercs 2 does not have that, it has “The enemy is here!!” 1,000 times. Their physics engine is great and objects reflect and react to their surroundings perfectly. But you level a 10 story building in front of a sidewalk, or layout 10 dudes with a RPG and bodies go flying, pedestrians just keep strolling along…like nothing has happened. Maybe people in Venezuela really are like that, I don’t know, but not in my mind. Attention to detail people! It’s one of the cornerstones to any great game! Sorry. I’m an ass like that. Deal.

So in closing, rent the game, see what you think. If you can see past many of the glitches and lack of polish, and just want to blow shit up, then I’m sure you will love it. If not, wait till after you have downloaded the November content for GTA4 and played through it, then go to a game store and buy it used, if possible use a trade in game! Discount!
-Dave “The enemy is here!”

Score: C
Verdict: Rent/Buy Used

Holy Shit Batman!

With all the finesse of drawing a giant dick on the cover of the Little Mermaid VHS cassette, someone at DC let a whole bunch of All Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder issue #10 comics get released with some bad words in them.

Never forget issue #2 of all Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder.



By the way, in my opinion nothing like this happens by accident, it happened to happen and to sell books. Here are the panels and the omitted text is below. Nothing like this happens by accident.





Hey-- you little CUNT--

FUCK me that little CUNT stole my board!

FUCK you twice, DICKWAD, you let a FUCKing little piece of jailbait

ASS steal your wheels...

...little jailbait CUNT's making us look bad... we cut her come on...

...sweet piece in sweet slices... tasty sliced booty the little CUNT...

And these ASSHOLES make a devil's fortune of it

Text every friend you've got, SHITheads--

Sell your poison somewhere else. This arcade belongs to the

FUCKing Batgirl.

Be sure to check out the link to the original story.

How about a Jedi trick?

Mark Hamill, the other awesome Joker, will be vocie acting the clown prince of crime in the new Batman: Arkham Aslyum game. Paul Dini is writing it and this certainly won't be the first time Mark Hamill and Dini will be working together.

But hey! This isn't the first time Luke Starkiller has graced the a gaming screen. Wing Commander 3, 4 and 5. Mark Hamill played the hero protagonist, Colonel Christopher Blair. Everyone was in this game, Malcolm McDowell and Jonathan Rhys Davis. Apparently George Lucas must have also been a fan of this game with the way most interiors were shot, all CGI. But hey it is a video game, so it suppose to look like a video game. Oh George. Batman: Arkham Asylum will be out when its done.